Soil thy armor, O Mighty Knight

Knights in Shining Armor were always a rage and are so even now. Who could ever resist a creature that comes to your service moments before you become the delicious brunch of a vicious dragon/ogre/alligator/witch/stepmother… and the list goes on and on. You never have a complaint when it comes to the variety of monsters. Heroes and Heroines, on the other hand, have their respective constants. Hero=Knight+Shining Armor+ White Horse  and Heroine=Princess+ In Captivity+ About to Die.

I’ve always wondered how knights manage to travel thousands of leagues to reach their beloveds(whom they don’t even know! Where is the sense in that?) in those stifling armors and still have shiny armors. I can’t even manage to keep a spoon clean long enough to eat with it. And how, just how, they brave so many perils and beasts and not have soiled armors when the princesses first see them? Seems to me that they didn’t actually encounter those monsters they claim they slew but actually took a detour with no dangers(which is perfectly fine with me) or perhaps had squires who took care of the fiends while they(knights) sat there polishing their armors. Because they should be covered with blood and intestines and what-nots! I should know, I’ve slain many-a-demons in my time. Of course they were all virtual but they were monsters with their own anatomies of flesh and blood(virtual).

So if I ever have a knight come to rescue me from the clutches of evil teachers, I would totally send him back if his suit weren’t grimy. He should be covered with failing grades, evil teacher-thumbtacks, shards of broken horn-rimmed glasses, splinters of rulers and the blood and guts of the teachers he faced, all this as testimony that he actually braved them for me. Oh , swoon!

And he’d look somewhat like this:


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